STALKERS: FIVE BROTHERS

1997, the school bus to Beaudesert High School. I don't take a seat. There are boys who get on the bus before my stop. They tease me about stuff. Some of it is sexual in nature that is meant to titilate and hurt at the same time. I felt I was too young to be around such coarse vulgar teenagers. It was very degrading, some of the things they said to me. I never knew their names, I was afraid to face them.

2019, Gladstone Queensland. I meet this family of five brothers and in being around them things they say take me straight back to that bus. I can imagine them as the boys at the back of my high school bus. I even think I remember one of their names, and his habits. Could they have went to my school I don't know they said they were from there but I am not so sure.

Anyway so I studied English at university and I am good at picking up on inuendo and bias in peoples speech. "He's proud of it" translates to "he's a shameless fag". "I pee in the shower sometimes" translates to "gay is only a bad habit not a real sexuality". Etc. They were two faced to each other as well as me. Calling their mate a whore when he is nothing of the sort.

A girlfriend of theirs asked me questions about my sexuality, how I identified. All the while looking at me like I was a space alien. I explained the LGBTIQ acronym and how I think the T is for transgender and sex changes only change sex not gender, so transexualism is not a sexuality in and of itself. I explained the governments cuts to welfare. I explained global warming.

They got bored of me pretty fast. No attempt to include me in their social group. "Sit down" reminds me of high school. "Sit down or I'll cut your balls off". I can imagine those mean teenagers thinking up something like a gay bashing. A hate crime on a gay man. And just like magic, I got sexually assaulted in my home. I think I may have seen him before.

"I want to give you a bottomless hole to fuck" I hear from 1997. That's basically what they sent to my house to hurt me. A homophobe willing to use me and then break me. I think this man was those boy's father. "Fuck our dad" I hear from 1997. What if those men followed me to Gladstone after hearing I was back in Queensland. Did they stalk me there.

I think of them a lot because of the way they were friendly at first but then that fell away and now it seems that pretence was fake. Maybe they are just gay haters from the start to the end. I think even the woman I met could have been from school. I remember bratty exchanges with a teenage girl. I remember she was very strong and smart, but not smart enough to see that I was being neglected and was sick.

Maybe they thought I was the problem. From their point of view. "Gay people shouldn't go to our school". Then the first high school massacre happened in the USA. Those kids looked a lot like me, the shooters. Silence on the bus. for a day and then they just screamed louder to drive me insane. Girls screeching in high pitched ear shredding frequencies, screaming like swine. All to see me suffer more, like Jews spitting on the dead.

That's unkindness. Sending a man to break my nuts is unkindness. So I am attracted to men? You degraded me in every way in school. You called me proud when I was suffering. 1997 I said "I don't think I WANT to come down as low as you would like me too". Then I thought I was smart, now I think I just have more class than most.

What do those five brothers, that woman, Mark McGuiness aka Hayden (who was also on the same bus in 1997 and also stalked me to Gladstone in 2017) what do they all think of me. Who knows. Don't follow me anymore now guys, I'm over it. I never wanted to see any of your faces again. And don't send your relatives after me either.