A PRAYER TO MOTHER MOON
Mother Moon rising in the sky I pray to you. Please forgive me. Heal my body and help me to forgive myself. Help me to learn and guide me. I tried so hard for so long, to be better than I am. Help me to accept myself. I was misled, I was hurt. I can’t do this anymore. I can’t live this way. The sick feeling in my guts: churning like sour water. Poison leeching into my body. The fear that never ends: the fear that grows. It is a tumorous swelling behind my eyes. All I know is fear. The fear inside me is an ocean of fear about to break forth onto the shore of reality. When will it split open my body from within and gush over the earth, drowning everyone in its path, consuming all? I am a vessel for fear. There is a monster inside of me. Humanity is a scared animal raging against the universe. The pain of sentient life! To know the misfortune of existence: pain, hunger, cold, fear, and predators large and small. We fuck to escape it all and only multiply our suffering.
I want to look down on a world of fishes. I am sitting above the world of men, looking down on a world of fishes. I am so high above them they can’t see me or perceive my presence. Above me is heaven, below me is hell. I am a glittering explosion, burning huge and bright. So slowly my consciousness expands to the ends of the earth. The blast wave flattens everything in its path. I race into death at the speed of light. Bang. And suddenly there is not a sound and everything is still. Just one breathless moment when my heart doesn’t beat, and the moment lasts forever. No-sound in no-space: under no-time. I’m a mote of black in an eternity of blackness. There is only this soft now, in the warm dark, forever. Mother Moon, will your light fill the sky to the horizon? I want to drown in you. Mother Moon, if I slit my wrists and fill this bowl with blood, will you feed on it and grow fuller? Mother Moon, will the blood of a thousand virgins be enough to slake your hunger? Enough to make you strong enough to touch the earth with your face, smash into us like a planet? Mother Moon, I’ve killed for you. At Tenochtitlan I slaughtered thousands for you. We wail at your wall; we wash in your river; we bow at your feet five times a day. Mother Moon, you hang on the cross drained of blood. If you take all of ours will you be resurrected and walk on earth for the second time?
Mother Moon, your signs are in the ocean, where you have always reigned. Mother Moon, we are seven billion souls. Will you take us to your breast and nurture us or forsake us to the darkness? Mother Moon, humanity has always bled for you. Now we are on the tipping point of collapse. Let’s go down in a blaze of glory, one final collective push to give birth to the New Age. The Age of Aquarius, when the Sea can no longer be abused. And She can no longer be denied. What will the world look like from the bottom of the sea? I’ll tell you soon enough. Will monsters tear me open and search my guts for a sign from you? This pressure pushing down on me is squeezing the lights out of me. So much pressure on my skull is squeezing my thoughts into a hard immovable point. Standing at the edge of the precipice I am falling backwards into the Abyss. I’m falling in a slow dive into hell. Seeing my life in flashes; fighting, dreaming, running, trying, getting hit, love for my mother. And then I’m back in childhood and nothing has changed, but then it’s gone and it is now.
Have you noticed the world has become mean now? Something has changed, something got lost. A new war is starting and it is a war of all against all: religion against religion, rich against poor. Can you taste it? Smell it in the wind. The trees will stay silent and they will not help humankind through this next epoch of time. We are alone. We have colonised every part of the planet and the last frontier to conquer is ourselves. A war against all that is human. The ISIS Jihad wants to erase humanity as we know it, they want to destroy the last seven hundred years of world history and culture, just wipe it out. Can America save us from this fate? Is it worse to be ruled by America? We sink below the waves like Atlantis, lost to history. Like the Roman Empire, the Third Reich, the Pharaohs of Ancient Egypt, the Aztecs and the Inca, the Native American Indians, the Australian Aborigines: empires and cultures lost to time or changed beyond recognition. People subjugated, raped, and forced to live on in a different world; an entirely new psychological universe.
Sunlight comes over the horizon and I feel like I have never seen it before. Walking into the dawn with the sun on my face I’m not looking back and I can’t see you anymore. This time is a new day and I will be dead before it ends. Just to live once this day in a riot of blazing colour. I am a rainbow whirlwind of creative destruction and I will sweep life off its feet.
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