Felix Herbener

My memory of 1997 age 14 Queensland Beaudesert High School Albeit Macht Frei Hannah and I, princess and prince, two ginger Sphinx, me catching Hannah one day relating our feelings to the whole bus: "Kill me, kill me now, all of you dumb C_____". In this sentence she announced our feelings like "We feel like steering this bus and everyone on it off a freaking cliff". I never saw her again. She was Like "Pick me up and shake me, maul me to death all of with stupid attitudes to us" two ginger humans, boy and girl. For Hannah, wherever she is, stop this RIDIKulous torture of ginger haired humans and all the bi but tied mind torture.

I write now to beg Allah Not to split me in two For my heart is arabic And my image is not From me and my brothers to everyone from Ireland to the Netherlands, do you feel like Pentecost has happened and some parts of the Bible are real? Because I do here in Australia, from Queensland to Tasmania, and I'm kinda feeling like praying in Arabic? I beg you to not pile rocks on my house or my families. I beg you to forgive my trespassing and tendered sins. For I fear my father is a spirit and it is cold in space. Call me the son of harmony only when I am dead. Until then I am only a dancing boy who was raised right and was saved. How could I become a man if I do not fear and pray and try hard every day?

Social Science and Leftism is a bunch of Lemmings walking off a cliff of pride and optimism, too optimistic and too soft for this world. Religious Lore and Rightism is a language of the heart, but minds take time to grow, and good hearts can turn bad if they are bullied and surveilled too much. Even Up is about looking both ways before you cross anywhere or anyone, where am I and who am I with, "and I know for myself I would rather live than be afraid" (Cape Fear).

  For a boy named Bruce from Bundaberg who I hurt at school. I am not sorry for reacting how I did because I was being psychologically abused (I am a boy and I was called a girl that is sexual abuse) and you wouldn't even look at me when I needed my first buddy. You don't know what happened in my house. Everyone who saw what me, an undernourished child fighting psychological abuse, did - er YOU ARE NOT A VICTIM FOR SEEING ME FIGHT BACK. I will say that again, you are at risk if you abuse me the same way, but you are not a victim when you provoke me to rage in defence of public and family - even black sheep abused alpha males are part of the community. Your desire to see a some version of reality that does not exist does not legitimate your offence at someone like me who can see that you are delusional. I know that I am the king of my own skull (brain chips are notwithstanding my XYY ego) no matter what: To many names to list but Mark McGuinness, Nicole Lipman, Racheal, Davidson...

I Fearless have killed Jesus In your hearts and minds 2020 years is Time Up Rapture and Revelation Baha'i to Bohemia I am the Son of the Sun Ra You will burn for 2012 You will burn for 1994 You will burn times 400 For the 400 men I have lost 4000 years before my father Rael will eclipse all souls Against the day As God Will

  People hold me back by having such dumb expectations of me. Every day I feel the consequences of their such sewer thoughts about me, so much that it is hard to rise above it. I'm living in a Sim with 2D men and women, who have the intelligence of eighth graders. Plastic spastic woopie fantastic, sprayed in formeldrehyde perfume poison, spray tanned Gifs who only destroy beauty and grace. Some people can't hide the punishment of their vacuous greed. I'm speaking from the prison-like inferno of my own trial by a thousand tests still. Why is the sun so hot near Berriedale 7011? Is Ra the Sun god in residence?

EARTH= LIVE EXPERIMENT XYY CLONE (Raelian) FATHER - ALIEN/ADAM MOTHER - EVE/EARTH Year 0 SLIME MOULD VEGETATION OCEAN REPTILES - have some spine MAMMALS HUMANS AZTECS/INCAS/EGYPTIANS ROME WESTERN IMPERIALISM/HEGEMONY - old world order 2000 SPACE AGE TECH T-ECH BOY  BI/GRAY xyy  PUT THE FEAR OF GOD INTO THEM i ROLL BACK YOUR REPROACHES ON YOURSELF THE WORLD IS A HOLOGRAM BE KIND WE ARE ALL CLONES OF SORTS NO MORE GRAND MISSIONS THE EXPERIMENT EARTH IS STILL LIVE (WE THINK) power back to the individual merit the roman economy continues  Satan is controlled though the lib-tard apocalypse end of social science babble age of the managed environment

( I found this image online and I feel like this flag represents me somehow but I am not proud.) Like I'm some used aboriginal in an Abraham brotherhood who I both fear and care for. And I am afraid there is danger outside for everyone's family worse than God Allah or I. I don't want to be the only one who is safe I wish every house were safe In Sha Lah. I wish only harmony but I think every flag should be upside down at the moment. Just to pause our foolish games of man-is-god energy and tyranny of economy and distance. Like an amnesty on all nations for to honor the dead and strengthen family who are alive. Now protect the animals and trees and fish and seas please the aboriginal people need help! Felix Herbener

There is something wrong with white people, they lack essential empathy and compassion. I say this as a 38 year old white man who has lived, loved, worked, and travelled. There are massive gaps in people's ability to care about others.

High school All these 1940s ideas about my homosexuality Gay men have feminine reactions Gay men have small penises Gay men have small testicles Gay men this and that All the too dumb to say ideas Said by too dumb to speak people Treating me like a sex offender For wanting mates not fakes Then all the socially condoned violence against gay men Kick him in the nuts Sterilize him Give him female hormones A truly 1950's education experience in the 1990's in Queensland

Not sure why I never walked down the highway to the medical centre. Not sure why I flopped (haha flipped?) in highschool. Not sure why I went catatonic after taking the antibiotics. Not sure why I never finished high school and didn't join the army, Except I do know, I wanted to study at university. Not sure why I never fucked in my 20's lol. Have to work at being who you want to be whatever the chances. Have to wait to be the right age and have experience. Not wanting to be a peaking fading stag for the rest of my life. Kinda happy being half sterilized. Obviously I'm not 19 anymore. Lived and broken is still lived. Job done. Done with the sweaty in heat feeling 24/7 anyway, and smelling like a dog.

This world puts us under intense pressure that is unsurvivable. Only God's rules matter. Ignore people who worship things and expect ppl to be unfeeling machines.

I should have asked to live in care as a kid. I might have got medical help. I was 19 when I was cured and my life began again. I feel like they got to me and sealed my anus shut to control my behaviour before I even had a chance to act on my sexuality. I think some of them wanted me to get a sex change before I could shit too. Maybe it was to stop me getting bashed by homophobes. Stop the death toll of violence. I felt pretty violent when my anus was glued shut. Feel violent sometimes thinking about what they did to me. I was innocent, but it was so unsafe for me to be gay. I guess. My brother is such a mongoloid I could have turned out worse too.